It didn't help that I am sick.. down with fever and UTI( again~ sianz...) plus my "auntie" has chosen to visit me so timely:( ...
Feeling so unwell... I am practically bedridden~
Gotta take MC from my perth flight~
IT SUCKS~
I reallie hate to be sick!!!
as it would mean a waste of my precious time in singapore, when I am already so little time here~
I could have been heading down to town to take a look at the GSS...
or probably... watch a movie....
Yet...being sick, all I could do is stay in bed~ *sulks*
(suffering from painful heahache and tummy aches...)
My heart feels the pinch* (-.-)
But then again... I yearn to be sick when I am completely healthy...
I yearn for all the affection, care, concern and love...
...That would be bestowed upon me when I am sick...
*Like a princess* (*.*)
...haiz... so restless~
BUT....I really HATE to stay at home and do nothing~
Felt bad for not accompanying my mommy... as I know she looks forward to going out with me for a day of relaxation~ :(
yet again..Working would be a productive way to spend time without having to think too much...and feel bad...
then again... I am feeling lazy to work too~
Dread going on flights, being away from my beloved ones...
...feeling lazy to go party or shopping too.... :S
...or even to step out of my house for a breathe of fresh air~
Jus plain lazy to do anything....
then after ... feeling bad... for wasting time, doing nothing..surfing net!!!
Such an unproductive Alicia~
BLAME THE WEATHER!!! SO HOT.... makes doing anything seem extra tiring and exhausting!
haiz... Dunno wat I want~
I desperately need something to jolt me awake from my lazybones....
.... :( ....
I dunno why....somehow, when I didn't spend my day in a productive manner, like working, or spending quality time with my beloved ones...
...or... spending time reading a good book...
...or... doing something great...like exercising (cuz it's good for my body)
...or... spending time with loved ones...( cuz it's quality time spent)
I always feel so guilty and bad...for wasting time~
...Haiz...again...
So many a times... I can't help but feel ...
LIFE IS A RAT RACE~
It's so meaningless~
We are constantly caught in a vicious cycle of doing something.. to pass time in a more productive manner~
To better one another in this competitive society... to protect our "rice bowl" ...
But... wat is our purpose in life ?
To be caught in this cycle of spending time, building our credentials and portfolio... for fear of falling too far back... and never being able to catch up with society.... to live a safe life... awaiting death?
To live a better life = To live a less tumultous life....
We have to be more hardworking than other, building our portfolios, getting more paper degrees... so that we have lesser obstacles along our life journey of awaiting death....
We need to earn MORE money... so that we can buy more luxury item... to live a more comfortable life... awaiting death...
We need to earn MORE money to provide a better lifestyle for ones we love, so that we would be comforted, one day... should anything happen to them... we have provided them with the best!!!
ENOUGH ($$$) is NEVER ENOUGH...
We need to safe more money in the bank... so that when we grow old, awaiting death, we will have enough to be comfortable...
Life... probably is just a process of "awaiting death" ....
and... we are just forever caught in this rat race of working hard to live comfortably before death~
So depressing... ?
I feel depress cuz Life has not always been smooth sailing for me~
Life has been good to me. but not perfect~
How can everything be perfect? (But I am a perfectionist~)
Many a times... Life disappointed me~
But I am contented~
You can't expect everything to go your way, Alicia... someone says~
..HAIZ...
I am confused for a minute~
And depressed for a minute~
Then I think...
To me... LIFE itself is meaningless....yet simple~
All I wanna do is to spend as much quality time to love the people that is important to me... to sacrifice as much of me as possible for them~
Cuz I know one day... they will leave me...
And when they do, I dun wanna grieve for them~
I will cry for them because I will miss them....
I will be contented as I know I have done everything for them. bring a little more happiness in their life...and thankful for them for making a difference in my life...and touched by them for loving me...this lifetime~ I have given them all of my love... I dun wanna have any regrets of not doing more~
...LIFE is about "collecting memories" ...
Cuz at the end of the crossroads... we can't bring anything but our memories...
Although Life is meaningless to me...
I will cherish it dearly as... as my life means a tons to the people who love me~
I love them too much to bring a drop of tear on their face~
I will cherish life because of the time that I have to "collect my memories" is precious to me~
The longer I live... The more memories, I will be able to collect...The more experiences to build my portfolio of memories~
The more love I can give~
The more lifes, I will be able to touched~
I may not be the BEST human being in the world like Mother Teresa...
But I believe in a compassionate heart~
I believe in helping others ... like touching the lifes of complete strangers when I fly around the world...
To the poor , an extra dollar will go a long way...
One dollar in insignificant in a developed country like Singapore...
But in India, or china..and many more places... It can feed a few mouths~
Sometimes, kind words would go a long way~
I am pretty imperfect, to be honest... and I have no intentions to be saint~
I admit... I sometimes get pissed off by uncivilised people...
But then I am grateful someone out there, that I am travelling with would point out to me...
"They are uneducated... understand..my dear girl~ "
I have learnt...along the way...
The bits and pieces...life has thrown onto me~
Then someone ask me...
"Wat if you lose your memory in a accident? "
Well...I'll just go about and start collecting new memories again~
Gaining new experiences every moment in life... :)
At the end of the day... I do not care about the world ~
But at least... I care enough for the people around me~
To cherish my life~
I am no saint~
But I jus hope to live a better life~
No comments:
Post a Comment